Why do I have to change to be a woman in leadership?
An angry draft. I’m angry. I don’t get why anyone would have to change to pursue their career path. I’m admitting my anger right at the beginning because it provides a fair context.
Starting my morning routine with a usual glance at the daily hint in the Bunch app, I learned about the STAR model and the tiara syndrome. Deep diving into the topic, I came across the inspiring TED talk of Sheryl Sandberg about Why we have too few women in leadership. Lady Sandberg says so many beautiful things in this talk.
Impulsive discourse: Yes, I’m using “beautiful” to describe the words of one of the most influential women I know. And I won’t hide it or change it. Because “beautiful” is not a weak word. It is connoted with grace and elegance and softness. All of these words are perceived as weak. But they aren’t. They actually require discipline, passion, and dedication. And they are simply a different approach to achieving a goal. In the case of Lady Sandberg to send a message. So freaking get your perception a refresh!
Back to the talk: I was shocked by the statement that women hold back from taking more responsibility the moment they start thinking about children!
So, I always leaned towards not having children for different reasons residing in my childhood. But I was still thinking about it periodically since my early twenties!
Personal discourse: I had a time where I sort of wanted a baby. A bit later I doubted that I could manage to add such a huge responsibility to my life. The next moment all my friends and my younger sister get these little cuties and I’m like: I miss out on all the really great stuff in life.
Somewhere around my early thirties, a friend told me that if I wanted children, I should think about oocyte freezing. Fertility rates seem to go down quite decidedly when ladies move towards their forties. So I found myself in an information event about oocytes freezing between desperate women with their partners and child wish being asked “Is someone joining you?”- “No.” There wasn’t. Depressing enough. But in this environment echoed up by a whisper like “Well, why are you here then?”
Long story short, I decided not to have children myself. It occurred to me that I didn’t consider it important to pass on my genes. And that I’m okay with the idea of adopting a child if the sudden need of raising a human being should appear out of nowhere.
Still. I had thought about having children for more than two-thirds of my life! It’s a part of every woman’s thinking (and I assume also part of men’s thinking to some extend). In the end, this is an evolutionary part of us responsible to preserve our species existence. I’m not even sure if we actually are able not to think about it.
This makes me angry. How should I not think about something that is written into my genes?! Why should I — as a woman — now suppress these natural thoughts and act differently?!! Why should I again (!) get a grip of myself and make another effort not to hold back in my career?!! Besides the extra effort women are going through already e.g. earning less than our fellow human mates. And then — how should I do this when I’m not even noticing that I’m acting to my own disadvantage in the first place?!!!
What I’m most angry and disappointed about is the fact that it seems one cannot be their authentic selves when pursuing a career. Although we have seen it all. We have seen these strong examples of Mister Obama leading a white nation. We have seen disabled people winning the Olympics. We have seen women leading. We have seen the gay football players. And whatever uninspired cliché I could come up…
They all have their very beautiful way of doing what they do. They already are developing themselves by learning, committing, failing, and standing up again. They shouldn’t need to change their beautiful way. Because they became really good at what they do just the way they are — their authentic selves.
And for the sake of every one of us: Please don’t stop thinking about children. And don’t bend yourself because you just want to follow your heart. It’s time that society and individual perception bend a bit for us and let us be the beautiful beings we already are.
